Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos (right) meets with Howard University President Wayne A.I. Frederick (left) on Feb. 9. US DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION/FLICKR VIA CC BY 2.0
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos (right) meets with Howard University President Wayne A.I. Frederick (left) on Feb. 9. US DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION/FLICKR VIA CC BY 2.0

Feb. 7, 2017

Today is the day we finally get to meet our new professor. Everybody has been talking about this new DeVos teacher. It must have been a difficult decision to make because the vice president of our department had to handpick her himself. I don’t think that has ever been done before, especially for a lab class.

Feb. 9, 2017

Well, the first day was… interesting. Apparently DeVos has never actually taught a class before, or been in education at all. I don’t really know how she got this far without having done any of that. I hope the vice president of the biology department knew what he was doing when he picked her. A lot of students need this class for the pre-med track. But it’s only the first day, maybe things will be fine.

Feb. 11, 2017

Another interesting thing happened today. DeVos came into class and told us we could throw out all of our textbooks because we won’t be using them for the rest of the semester. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am okay without the excessive 20 page textbook readings, but don’t we need to learn this? Oh well. Less stuff to cram for when the midterm comes around.

Feb. 13, 2017

Okay, things are not fine. DeVos told us that she found a more suitable textbook for our class. IT’S THE BIBLE. I raised my hand in class and told her that this was a biology course. She just looked at me and shook her head. I think I even heard her mumble something about being “government school scum” under her breath. What is going on with this lady?

Feb. 14, 2017

Things keep getting more and more interesting. Today, all of our desks and chairs were missing from the classroom. The laboratory has been completely cleared out, and all of our supplies are gone. DeVos said that it was because she thought the school didn’t need to keep funding us because we’re just a public university. Come on DeVos, we haven’t learned anything in the past week since you started and this is getting out of hand. I love not having homework, but I how we are suppose to get graded? We still haven’t learned anything. Yesterday, we tried asking her questions about the endocrine system and she yelled at us to go rinse out our mouths. Then she started reciting, “In the beginning, God created man…”

Feb. 16, 2017

I came into class today and found DeVos standing in the corner mapping out parts of the campus. I asked her what she was doing and she said that she was marking areas where potential grizzly bear attacks could occur. I told her that grizzlies don’t live on Long Island, but I don’t think she heard me.

Feb. 20, 2017

Well, looks like DeVos won’t be teaching our class anymore. She was standing in front of the class, reciting her usual Bible passage, when Wolfie came into the classroom. DeVos didn’t really know what was going on, I think she mistook him for some kind of bear, because the next thing we knew she pulled out a shotgun. Wolfie is fine, thanks to Professor Bernie Sanders who was next door and heard all the commotion. He came over and was able to calm DeVos down. She had no idea what she was doing, but at least DeVos was only a professor on campus and not a politician, or secretary of education. Now that would be really rough.

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