I will admit that I am often a little late when joining the bandwagon of the trends of my generation. I can name more R. Kelly songs than Drake songs and I can tell you more about what happened in the last decade’s episode of “Friends” than I can about the recent GOP debate. Real talk, I don’t even know what GOP stands for.

However, I was recently introduced to the wonderful concept of a thot.

For those who are in still floating in my Love Boat (that’s an 80s reference) and don’t know, a thot stands for “that ho over there.” I love this word for two reasons. The first is that I can publish it in the school paper without any problems. The second is that I learned what it meant before it went out of style.

Because of this, a good friend of mine inspired me to create an organization I have decided to call The Thot Club — an elite group of individuals whose unique characteristics make everyone’s lives a little more interesting. The Stony Brook Thots take on an even greater pressure to do this when we are surrounded by all these “future doctors” who, let’s be honest, can be about as exciting as boiled squid. Let us review some general qualifications for induction into The Thot Club.

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  • If each side of your neck has ever been dedicated to hickeys from a different person, you’re a thot.
  • If your suitemates have ever seen a different “friend” coming out of your room every morning, you’re a thot.
  • If you’ve ever asked your friend to wash period blood from your sheets, you’re a thot.
  • If you’ve hooked up with your roommate and your RA, I’m happy to nominate you as Treasurer Thot.
  • If you’ve ever had sex with someone simply because it was National Hook Up Day, you’re a thot.
  • If your friends feel the need to stand in front of you to block you from staring at girls in short dresses, you’re just creepy.
  • If you ever needed more than one hand to count the number of people you made out with at The Bench, you’re a thot.
  • If you leave your booty call to sleep in your roommate’s bed while you play “League of Legends” with your friends, you’re Vice President Thot.
  • If your nickname in high school was The Virgin Slayer, you’re a thot. You also deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for community service.
  • If you write about your sex life in a column for the school paper, congratulations, you’re President Thot.

For those who would like to apply to The Thot Club, please email your qualifications to my editor. I’m sure he’d love that. We’re still looking for a secretary.

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