If there is one thing I have learned from growing up in Florida, it is that crazy people are alive and well in this world. I also recently discovered that snow is not just a myth from the spooky white men of the north, and icicles are not something exclusive from the hardware store to decorate your house at Christmas time, but I digress. It seems that every news outlet has a “bizarre Florida stories” page. We have it too, but it is just the community section. If you thought that your local news stories were insane, a little known fact is that our local news station doubles as the Maury Povich show.
While I have never seen infanticide, drug-induced face eating, gender-bending city commissioners, kidnappings, or racially charged shootings first-hand, I know that they exist. Floridians are the great people that brought you the AMBER and Silver alerts, and most infamously the stand-your-ground law. George Zimmerman is one of those people.
Zimmerman recently announced that he will fight in a celebrity boxing match. When not spending time cleaning his weapons, speeding in his Chevy Avalanche and destroying his marriage and subsequent relationships, it seems that Zimmerman has taken up training in the martial arts. On March 1, he will fight a still-unknown contender, which will be available for viewing both by pay-per-view and online. Promoter Damon Feldman is currently accepting applications to be the opponent at [email protected].
Though he is considering any application, according to TMZ (I really need to stop using them as a source), rapper Game, who has a song about the Trayvon Martin shooting, has volunteered to step into the ring saying, “I will beat the f*** out of him.” He continues (though that opening was pretty succinct), “I would not be boxing for me. I’d be boxing for the legacy of Trayvon Martin and his family.” Sounds like wholesome family entertainment.
I know it is a hard pass, but I urge American citizens not to indulge in this nonsense. I would like to think that we have collectively evolved past the times of gladiator spectators and lions in the ring, though I doubt highly that we have (come on, Nancy Grace still has a job). Beyond inflating his narcissism, by watching this idiotic showdown, we are proving to him that we kind of care about him still. It is hard to look away from the racially profiling train crashing into intimidating rapper-ville, but it is possible, and I think all of America can breathe a collective sigh of relief when Zimmerman fades into obscurity and joins the ranks of the Casey Anthonys and Jodi Ariases of the world that we can sweep under the rug and pretend were never a part of our society.