Two out of every three college students will order chicken. One will order beef. Where does that leave turkey? Granted, I made up these statistics, but I dare you to carry out a study. You’ll discover the same results.

Chicken is the universal meat, so the question remains who even eats turkey other than at Thanksgiving? I mean everyone always wonders why the chicken crossed the road, but no one cares about the turkey.

Sure, people claim that turkey is healthier than chicken. But what they don’t realize is that a turkey is just a really large chicken. By the time you finish eating it, you have consumed just as many calories as you would have had you eaten the chicken. And you will feel bloated and sleepy (did you know turkey contains L-tryptophan, a natural sedative?)

People will guilt you into eating turkey for its health benefits. But don’t forget that other than being a sexier bird than turkey, chicken is also nutritionally valuable. Its liver has only half the calories and a third of the fat of turkey liver. And liver tastes good!

I’ll grant you this. I like turkey when it’s improved upon. I am a genuine fan of turducken (turkey filled with duck), and an even bigger fan of a chuckey (turkey stuffed with chicken stuffed with duckling). But just plain turkey, blah!

Chicken can be eaten raw with salad, fried, battered, roasted, brined and a lot more. But you can’t do much with turkey. Just think of all the great things that come to mind when I say chicken – popcorn chicken, chicken kebab, KFC, General Tsao’s chicken, McChicken. Now try substituting every mention of chicken with turkey…give me a second, I think I need to go throw up.

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